What will you do differently in 2009

For the past couple of years I have been getting sucky results.  What I didn’t realize was that they were self-imposed.  I thought that my situation had to do with outside forces.  My decision to go into business, the subsequent fire, the choice to choose the wrong business partner, my business going bust, being sued.  

I was living in the world of self-limitation, because I blamed circumstances.  Sure, there were things like the fire that affected my business that were outside of my control.  But, truth be told, I was in complete control of how I handled it.  I was also in complete control of how I handled the demise of my business and subsequent lawsuits.

I caved.  I told myself that I couldn’t start another business until the lawsuits were over.  Nobody told me that.  I stopped myself from succeeding.  

Well, the lawsuits are not over.  And, I don’t know when people will stop suing me.  

But, I do know this.  I will not let that stop me anymore.  I am in control of my destiny, not lawyers, not business partners, not people who tell me it’s safer to just go get a job, not people who tell me that I failed so it’s best to not try another venture, not the voice in my head that tells me I can’t do it.  

I am learning not to use excuses like…

If I had been given a chance…

If other people didn’t “have it in for me”

If the economy were better…

If my family understood and supported me better… 

Now, I know that I have to think differently.  I have to believe I deserve all the best life has to offer, I have to believe in my abilities and that I have value to offer others.  And, I have to hold on to those beliefs no matter what or who kicks me in the butt.  And things will shake my tree again and again – it’s just life.

So, I’m going into 2009 with eyes wide open, head held high and with an unwavering belief that I can do, be or have anything and everything I desire.

And so it shall be….

Happy New Year.



Reality smacks me in the face – hard

Reality check

OUCH!! File this under – Reality Check.

There I was yesterday, all full of myself. David Wilkinson, teen genius and successful internet marketer was going to be a presenter on a video online seminar. I called my son into the room.

“See, this is what you can do if you don’t spend so much time playing COD 5 or Halo.” I told him. My son grudgingly sat down and watched about ten minutes of his presentation. Granted, David talks fast and he was using a lot of internet speak, so the content really went over my son’s head. But, the meaning didn’t. My son grasped immediately that David was making money on the internet. My son also knows that I’ve been studying making money on the internet for a few months now. And, if you’re sensitive, turn away,


My boy, turns to me and asks me “So, how come David is more successful than you, if he’s only 14?”


The words slammed into my gut. I have learned enough about personal development that I know I have to take 100% responsibility for my actions.

I was busted. I knew the reason why. I was holding back. Perhaps it was from fear of what happened to me from my last business venture (otherwise known as Lee Ann’s folly) or perhaps it was negative self-talk. But, my son made me realize that the modest successes I was achieving were so much less than what I could be capable of.

When does change happen? When you decide.

So, thanks to that experience yesterday, I have now decided to plunge forward and play a MUCH bigger game than what I’ve been playing. If you’re going to get in the ring you should go for the gold –


I know – this blog is kinda ugly

I get it.  There is no real branding, maybe it’s seemingly random, but it’s what I have.  The site will get prettier, but the message will still be the same because it’s coming from my heart to the page.  That is why I decided not to wait until it’s perfect and branded and looks like other cool blogs.

I don’t care about that so much right now.  What’s more important is that I touch you with my words.  That I give you inspiration and hope with my words. That something I write touches you, makes you think- more importantly – makes you act differently so that you get the results you want.  No, make that the results you deserve from life.

Because life can be beautiful or it can suck.  It’s not your circumstances that will define the suckiness – it’s your attitude.  More enlightened people than I have said that same message over and over.  It’s not the situation – it’s how you deal with it.

I could have let my financial situation drag me down – I chose not to let it.  It’s just money.  There are more important things in life.  Family, love, a warm Spring day, the beauty of a flower, the soft touch of your child’s kiss on your cheek.  The smell of bread baking, the laugh of a baby so pure and sweet.

Take time to notice how wonderful your life is.  I hate to sound so cliche’d as to say stop and smell the flowers, but I will anyway.  And, I’ll go one step further – don’t just smell the flower, let its beauty fill your soul with wonder.  It sprang from a tiny seed in the ground and will only be yours to enjoy but for a brief time.

So, enjoy it while it’s here.  And pas that feeling on to someone else today.  Smile at the harried mother at the supermarket, hold an elevator door open for someone.   Because something beautiful happens when you share happiness.

Try it and tell me how it feels.

this is the real me

I’ve been blogging for about 4 months now.  Basically just letting off steam.  And that was ok, but I was feeling like I wasn’t really expressing myself.

I’m done with that.

It’s time to let loose and write the way I was meant to.  I’m inspired by the movie Seabiscuit.  He was a little horse who didn’t realize that he wasn’t physically supposed to win races against bigger, supposedly better horses.   His owners didn’t understand him, because he didn’t act like a champion.  He slept and ate too much, he was too complacent.  so, they tried to make him run the way they thought he should.

It didn’t work.

It screwed him up so badly – he forgot how to run.  He forgot how to be the horse he was capable of.

Until – he was found by people who believed in him.  Who saw that inside beat the heart of a champion even if it was covered by the body of a horse who didn’t act like the other race horses.

And, Seabiscuit responded.  He remembered his true horseness.  He remembered how to run.  And, most importantly, he remembered how to win.  Seabiscuit became not just a horse who won races, but a symbol for everyone who had gotten beaten up by life, everyone who had lost a few races, everyone who had lost hope.

Great line in the movie – “You don’t throw away a life, just because it’s been beaten up a bit.”

Well, who hasn’t been beaten up a bit?  Who besides me has forgotten what it was like to be your true self?  How many of us have lost a few races, have been misunderstood?  Am I alone in feeling like I was just repeating the same bad tape over and over again – not living or acting the way I was born to?  Just a year and a half ago I had a business fall apart.   I had to declare bankruptcy and just when it looked like my bankruptcy would go through I got notice that I was being sued not only to prevent my bankruptcy from going through but for serious charges and spent a year and a half in the process of a court case.

Last month I both won and lost that court case.  My bankruptcy was not discharged, so it wasn’t allowed to go through and everyone who was suing me for money before was allowed to go after me again.  But, I was exonerated of the other charges against me.   Freedom came with a price – I was exposed again to have my creditors from my bankrupt business come after me.  Sheesh.

I had gotten so caught up with the negativity and the fear of being sued that I forgot who I was and what I was made of.  That stops now.  There is still fear, but I’m going to work past it.  I’m going to keep moving forward, furlong by furlong.  I’m going to do whatever it takes to cross the finish line ahead of the pack.  Even if there are people ahead of me, bigger than me in the field – I don’t care.  I’m not going to be looking behind, I’m going only to be looking ahead.  To feel the excitement and the thrill of pushing past mile marker after mile marker.  To enjoy the race, not just the win.  To feel connected to the Source of all through creation, through what I will be creating.

If you want to come along on the journey – come on.   I’ve entered the starting gate – and the doors are about to open.  There is a sense of excitement, anything can happen.

But, nothing will happen, you can’t win, hell – you can’t even be in the race – unless you join me on the field.   Ready, set….

Grateful for…

The fact that it’s December 7th – Pearl Harbor Day

This reminded me to take a moment and give gratitude for those that put their lives on the line so that I can live in a free country – Thank you.  Words don’t do justice the gratitude I feel – but they’ll have to do for now.  I can’t even imagine what it must be like to wake up and realize that you may have to kill people or put yourself in a situation where you could be killed.  To all those that have fought and are fighting – Thank you for all that you do.

That’s it.  This has reminded me to say a prayer every day for our service men and women – WE owe them – big time….